Posted: July-19-2010 at 9:29pm | IP Logged

If we have learned nothing else from the experiences of Tiger Woods and Mel Gibson ..... we have learned that men should never ever use the telephone.

Posted: July-19-2010 at 9:44pm | IP Logged

I met this guy who says he has a motto he lives by every day. He said, "Listen carefully and live by these four rules: Drink, Steal, Swear, and Lie."

I was shaking my head 'No!', but he then told me to listen while he explained his four rules. So here they are:

1. Drink from the everlasting cup every day.

2. Steal a moment to help someone who is in worse shape than you are.

3. Swear that you will be a better person today than yesterday.

4. And last, but not least, when you lie down at night thank God you live in America and have freedom.


I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good as I could be but THANK GOD I am better than I used to be!


~Author Unknown~

Posted: July-22-2010 at 9:52pm | IP Logged

Are you a MOST or a SOME?

Most read books. Some write them.

Most attend conferences. Some create them.

Most fake intimacy. Some live intimately.

Most love great design. Some design.

Most listen to great music. Some write great music.

Most point out problems. Some solve them.

Most admire beautiful art. Some create it.

Most receive generously. Some give generously.

Most imagine what should've been. Some imagine what can be.

Most criticize. Some create.

Are you a "MOST" or a "SOME"?

Let's stop being afraid of those blank canvases that stare us
down and scare the heck out of us.......and let's create.

~Pastor Scott Hodge~

(from MountainWings.com)

Posted: July-26-2010 at 8:13pm | IP Logged

"A new poll shows that Congress' approval rating is at a record low of 11 percent. The other 89 percent are going to withhold judgment until Congress actually does something." 
 

-Jay Leno

Posted: July-27-2010 at 2:43pm | IP Logged

This week media mogul Oliver Stone said Adolf Hitler was "misunderstood" - and the media isn't saying squat! One can only imagine the firestorm there would be if it had been someone on the right who said that.....

Hitler was misunderstood????? What pray tell did the world misunderstand?????

Posted: July-29-2010 at 9:36pm | IP Logged

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

Posted: July-29-2010 at 9:38pm | IP Logged

 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Posted: July-29-2010 at 9:41pm | IP Logged

Two hydrogen atoms meet.....

One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says "Are you sure?"    

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Posted: July-30-2010 at 12:08pm | IP Logged

GO GREEN

RECYCLE CONGRESS

Posted: July-31-2010 at 2:06pm | IP Logged

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Posted: July-31-2010 at 2:08pm | IP Logged

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Posted: July-31-2010 at 9:37pm | IP Logged

DON'T QUIT!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but do not quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

~Edgar A. Guest~

Posted: August-02-2010 at 1:50pm | IP Logged

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are
good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you
are a vegetarian."

--Dennis Wholey

Posted: August-03-2010 at 8:37am | IP Logged

I wonder if Aflac has sent a check to Jack Roush yet for the time he’s missing from work.

Posted: August-09-2010 at 7:08am | IP Logged

I have more trouble with myself
than with any other man I've met.
~D.L. Moody~

Posted: August-09-2010 at 10:26am | IP Logged

Just because a thought may go through your mind does not mean that there is any sort of requirement that each and every thought be posted on Facebook.

Posted: August-09-2010 at 4:34pm | IP Logged

Today is 8-9-10

Posted: August-09-2010 at 9:55pm | IP Logged

The Facts of Death

These are supposedly true facts of death.
Perhaps what many are so scared of isn't really so scary.


(1) More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed
in plane crashes.

(2) More people are killed each year by coconuts than sharks.
Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.

(3) You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by
a poisonous spider.

(4) Fleas have the distinction of killing more people than all
the wars man has ever fought. The "Black Death" plague killed
1/4 of Europe's population in the 14th century, caused by germs
transmitted from rodents to humans by fleas.

(5) The animal responsible for the most human deaths worldwide
is the mosquito.

(6) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is
attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the
male's head off.

(7) A hundred years ago, the average life expectancy in the
United States was forty-seven.

(8) Today, only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or
older.

(9) Your statistical chance of being murdered is 1 in 20,000.

(10) There are 5 times as many deaths due to the negligence of
doctors as there are deaths due to firearms.

(11) On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens
every year.

(12) Robert Hershey, of Hershey Chocolate fame, died when he
fell into a vat of chocolate and drowned.

(13) Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote "Nutrition for Health" and
numerous books on the science of proper eating, died of
malnutrition.

(14) Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an
abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

(15) When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed that his
small intestine contained five gold Krugerrands.

(16) When Thomas Edison died in 1941; Henry Ford captured his
last dying breath in a bottle.

(17) In 1845, President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was removed
from his funeral for swearing.

(18) Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was present at
the assassinations of three presidents: his father's, President
Garfield's, and President McKinley's. After the last shooting,
he refused ever to attend a state affair again.

(19) When Mark Twain was born on Nov 30, 1835, Halley's comet
was visible over Florida, Missouri. Mark Twain predicted in 1909
that he would die when it returned. He was right. When he died
on April 21, 1910, Halley's comet was once again visible in the
sky.

Posted: August-15-2010 at 9:27pm | IP Logged

It's hard for us to sometimes understand big numbers.

For example, what's the difference between a million and a
billion? We hear in the news a billion dollars but most don't really comprehend a billion.

Think of it in terms of time.

A million seconds is a about 12 days. (11.57 days)

A billion seconds is about 32 years. (31.7 years)

The current annual U. S. deficit is a about a trillion dollars.
So how many years is a trillion seconds.

About 32,000 years.

Think about those comparisons.......

Thanks a million.

Posted: August-21-2010 at 9:30am | IP Logged

"The United States and the West must acknowledge the harm they have done to Muslims before terrorism can end."

~ Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf ~

(The man leading the charge to build The Ground Zero Mosque)

 

Posted: August-22-2010 at 6:15pm | IP Logged

The man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died age 93. Hardest part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in..... and then the trouble started!!

Posted: August-22-2010 at 10:29pm | IP Logged

Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors. 

Posted: August-23-2010 at 8:53pm | IP Logged

Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places. 

Posted: August-24-2010 at 9:22pm | IP Logged

A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. 

Posted: August-25-2010 at 7:07am | IP Logged

James Hylton to ARCA Chaplain at Springfield: "Reverend, you're scaring me, I'm an old man and every time I turn around you're next to me."

Posted: August-26-2010 at 9:28pm | IP Logged

I shook my family tree.....

and a bunch of nuts fell out.

Posted: August-30-2010 at 6:49am | IP Logged

Combine George Orwell's "1984" with Aldous Huxley's "BRAVE NEW WORLD" to get a more complete picture of what our planet’s future will be. Who would have ever thought that the United States would be a leader in the demise of freedom.

Posted: September-07-2010 at 1:43pm | IP Logged

"A newspaper is a thing that people used to read. It's like a website, but all the information is from yesterday."
 -Craig Ferguson

Posted: September-08-2010 at 4:03am | IP Logged

It's All In How You Ask

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but needed change
for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base's corridor
floors and asked him: "Soldier, do you have change for a
dollar?"

Private Duncan replied: "Sure."

The Corporal turned red, and said: "That's no way to address a
superior office! Now let's try it again. "Private, do you have
change for a dollar?'"

Private Duncan turned to him and replied: "No, SIR!"

Posted: September-08-2010 at 5:14am | IP Logged

The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it. "

~ Theodore Roosevelt ~

Posted: September-09-2010 at 4:52am | IP Logged

If there's anything that upsets me,
it's having people say that I'm sensitive.
~Barney Fife~

Posted: September-09-2010 at 12:57pm | IP Logged

Laws of Life:

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to
pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as
an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important
you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or
absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to
increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect
on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything
except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you
always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing some-
thing else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only
cross-references.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on
the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the
grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you
will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet
the boss in the parking lot.